Setting mutual expectations

How often have you told yourself, 'When I meet the right one, I will know.'

Pardon my stupid question, but will your date 'know' too?

We don't all want the same things in a relationship. In fact, even when you both want similar things, you might not be on the same page.yet.

Your date might be dreaming about marriage and kids, while you might need longer to make up your mind. If neither of you is open about discussing your expectations, it could lead to lots of frustration.

Your date might think you're playing 'hard to get', and you might be scared that she's 'rushing' you into something you're not ready for. The result is that Mr. Hard-to-get starts inventing excuses to avoid Ms. Pushy. Ms. Pushy finally confronts Mr. Hard-to-get and accuses him of betraying her. Finally, they both 'know' that 'it's over' and walk their separate ways, trampling over shattered dreams, broken hearts and a relationship that seemed so perfect last week.

Been there? It's a tough spot to be in. Perhaps the only way to get out of there is "communication". Communication is not about discussing your tastes in music, or planning that boat cruise together.

It's about 'not being afraid to ask (or answer) the right questions'. It's about sharing your dreams for the future, your real needs from the relationship, your priorities in life. It's about helping your date understand who you really are, including your ugly side (we all have one!). More than anything else, it's about how you 'do the math' of your life.

If you're not comfortable with asking questions, email them. Explain that your aim is to really understand each other, not to be judgmental or intrusive. Send them your own answers to each question. It will help them open up and realize that you're not having doubts about the relationship, you just want to take it to the next level.